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WHEN A WOMAN LIES, IT’S USUALLY GOOD
One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into
the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “My dear child, why are you
crying?”
The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to
help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water
and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls. “Is this your thimble?” The Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, “no.”
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires. “Is
this your thimble?” The Lord asked.
Again, the seamstress replied, “no.”
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. “Is this your thimble?”
The Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, “yes.”
The Lord was pleased with the woman’s honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep,
and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and
her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the
Lord again appeared and asked her, “Why are you crying?”
“Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!”
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Brad Pitt. “Is this your husband?” The
lord asked.
“Yes,” cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”
The seamstress replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I
had said ‘no’ to Brad Pitt, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said ‘no’ to
him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given
me all three. Lord, I’m not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three
husbands, so that’s why I said ‘yes’ to Brad Pitt.”
The moral of this story is: - whenever a woman lies, it’s for a good and honorable reason,
and in the best interest of others. That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it.

THREE OLD LADIES
Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things.
One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top
of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”
The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my
bed, and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!”
The third lady smiles smugly. “Well, my memory’s just as good as it’s always been, knock
on wood.” She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, “Who’s there?”

THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the
silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.”
He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to
discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a
piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,” she said to
her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk!”

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DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her
parents dress for a party. When
she saw her dad donning his
tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you
shouldn’t wear that suit.”
“And why not, darling?”
“You know that it always gives
you a headache the next morning.”

Bear Advisory
Submitted by Jen Donier
The Forest Service has issued a
BEAR WARNING in the national
forests for this summer. They’re
urging everyone to protect
themselves by wearing bells and
carrying pepper spray.
Campers should be alert for signs
of fresh bear activity, and they
should be able to tell the difference
between Black Bear dung and
Grizzy Bear dung.
Black Bear dung is rather small
and round. Sometimes you can
see fruit seeds and/or squirrel fur
in it. Grizzly Bear dung has bells
in it, and smells like pepper spray!

“Someone has said that there
are only two kinds of people in
the world---- There are those
who wake up in the morning
and say, “Good Morning, Lord,”
and there are those who wake
up in the morning and say,
“Good Lord, it’s morning.”

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WHAT A RIDE!
On my four-year-old daughter’s first
trip to Disneyland, she couldn’t wait to
get on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. As the
car zoomed through the crazy rooms,
into the path of a speeding train, and
through walls that fell away at the last
second, she clutched the little
steering wheel in front of her.
When the ride was over, she said to
me a little shakily, “Next time, you
drive. I didn’t know where I was
going.”

Cannibal Restaurant
Submitted by Laura Chitwood
A cannibal was walking through the
jungle and came upon a restaurant
operated by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat
down and looked over the menu...
+ Tourist: $5
+ Broiled Missionary: $10.00
+ Fried Explorer: $15.00
+ Baked Democrat or Grilled
Republican: $100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over
and asked, “Why such a price
difference for the Politician?”
The cook replied, “Have you ever tried
to clean one? They’re so full of crap, it
takes all morning.”

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