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Potato and the Facts of Life
  Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and
had a little sweet potato, which they called ‘Yam.’ Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out
and getting half-baked, so she wouldn’t get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name
for herself like ‘Hot Potato,’ and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
Yam said, "not to worry. No spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of
her!" But, on the other hand she wouldn’t stay home and become a Couch Potato, either.
She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.
  When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled
guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she
went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn’t get scalloped. Yam said she
would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn’t associate with those high class Yukon
Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks
that say, ‘Frito Lay.’
  Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that’s Potato University) so that when she
graduated she’d really be in the Chips.
  But, in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was
going to marry Tom Brokaw.
  Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn’t possibly
marry Tom Brokaw because he’s just... are you ready for this? Are you sure? ... OK! Here it
is! A COMMON TATER.

Fishing
A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central Mississippi recently with two ice
chests full of fish. He was leaving a cove well-known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, ‘Do you have a license to catch those fish?’
‘Naw, sir,’ replied the redneck. ‘I ain’t got none of them there licenses. You must understand,
these here are my pet fish.’
‘Pet fish?’
‘Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let ‘em swim ‘round for awhile.
Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take ‘em home.’
‘That’s a bunch of hooey! Fish can’t do that.’
The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, ‘It’s the truth Mr.Government
Man. I’ll show ya. It really works.’
‘O. K.’, said the warden. ‘I’ve got to see this!’
The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the
warden says, ‘Well?’
‘Well, what?’ says the redneck.
The warden says, ‘When are you going to call them back?’
‘Call who back?’
‘The FISH,’ replied the warden!
‘What fish?’ replied the redneck.

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Seen on a sign at a local
fireworks stand:
“Buy them while it’s hot!
May the 4th be with you.”

The Four Stages Of Life:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa
Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

Success:
• At age 4 success is ... not
piddling in your pants.
• At age 12 success is ...
having friends.
• At age 17 success is ...
having a driver’s license.
• At age 35 success is ...
having money.
• At age 50 success is ...
having money.
• At age 70 success is ...
having a drivers license.
• At age 75 success is ...
having friends.
• At age 80 success is ... not
piddling in your pants.

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Dad at the Mall
   I took my dad to the mall the
other day to buy some new
shoes. He is 92. We decided to
grab a bite at the food court. I
noticed he was watching a
teenager sitting next to him. The
teenager had spiked hair in all
different colors: green, red,
purple, blue and orange. My dad
just kept staring at him.
  The teenager would look and
find him staring every time.
When the teenager had had
enough, he sarcastically asked,
‘What’s the matter old man,
never done anything wild in your
life?’
  Knowing my Dad, I quickly
swallowed my food so that I
would not choke on his
response, knowing he would
have a good one, and in classic
style he did. Not batting an eye
in his response he said, ‘Got
drunk once and had sex with a
peacock. I was just wondering if
you were my son.”

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Tim_Flood_Acceptance_Capital_Mortgage_Corporation

FOR RENT: 15’ SMOKERCRAFT

LOST: NIKON DIGITAL CAMERA on 5-23-09 at
Fruitland Store lot. REWARD! 509-684-9148.

SALE! SPECIAL PRICES ON BUILDINGS, Plus,
mention this ad in for an extra 5% discount...

AKC YELLOW LAB PUPPIES,
Litter registered, very smart...

PACI-PAL PACIFIER HOLDER.
Lab tested, child safe...

1973 LINCOLN MARK IV.
DVD for serious buyer...

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