Huckleberry Press

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Chuckleberries"
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WARNING:
Chuckleberries are for
entertainment purposes
only! We are not
responsible for distorted
views of reality or fits of
uncontrollable laughter.

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If you ever find yourself in a horror movie…

* When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.

* Never read a book of demon-summoning aloud, even as a joke.

* Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

* If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them
immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to
kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else’s voice.

* As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to hell.

* If you find a town which looks deserted, there’s probably a good reason for it. Don’t stop and look
around.

* Don’t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you’re doing.

* If you’re running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the
fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it’s still moving fast enough to catch
up with you.

* If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to
phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had half of a tank, shoot yourself
instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

* AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: When trying to escape from a serial killer, never run UPstairs.

Importance of a raise
     “I have to have a raise,” the man said to his boss. “There are three other companies after me.” “Is that
so?” asked the manager. “What other companies are after you?”
     “The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.”

The Secret
     A mother was showing her boy how to zip up his coat.
     “The secret,” she said, “is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it
up.”
     The boy looked at he quizzically… “Why does it have to be a secret?”

Job Interview
Stephanie goes to a job
interview. The boss says, “I’ll give
you 8 dollars an hour starting today,
and in three months, I’ll raise it to 12
dollars an hour. So, when would you
like to start?”
Stephanie replies, “How about 3
months from now?”

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Warden Learns a Lesson
      A man is walking from the lake
carrying two fish in a bucket. He is
approached by the Game Warden who
asks him for his fishing license. The
fisherman says to the warden, “I did
not catch these fish, they are my pets.
Everyday I come down to the water
and whistle and these fish jump out
and take them around to see the
sights only to return them at the end of
the day.”
      The warden, not believing him,
reminds him that it is illegal to fish
without a license. The fisherman
turns to the warden and says, “If you
don’t believe me then watch,” as he
throws the fish back into the water.
      The warden says, “Now whistle to
your fish and show me that they will
come out of the water.”
      The fisherman turns to the warden
and says, “What fish?”

When it rains…
      A newcomer to Seattle arrives on a
rainy day. When she gets up the next
day, it’s raining. It also rains the day
after that, and the day after that. She
goes out to lunch and sees a young
kid and, out of despair, asks, “Hey, kid,
does it ever stop raining around
here?”
      The kid says, “How should I
know? I’m only 6.”

$$ - REWARD! - $$
Lost near Ford Post Mill, Pug, “Holly,” tan
with black face, is wearing blue harness, is
80% blind. $200 Reward! (509) 258-9026.